Despite the relentless ghastliness of the rain, drip plop dripping from the skies with deep concentration, I have just been out to check on the veg patch (because I loff heeeem) and the greenhouse (because I loff heeeem, too). Having watered the seedlings and plantlets in the greenhouse, which always feels odd when it's tipping down, I went outside in order to eye up, moodily, the fire-deformed waterbutt - of which, more later. I then turned around to see how the radishes were faring under their new wire pigeon-proof (hopefully) net. And that's when I saw it. She - hang on, are you sitting down? Good. She has actually taken an actual crap on my actual carrots. I know, right!? Look! (or skip down a bit if you're feeling queasy):
The Actual Crap in the Actual Carrots
(small photo - you don't want this in close-up)
And of course, being a cat, not only has she done this grisly deed, but she's dug up half the bloody carrots to do it. And then, when I came inside to hunt her down in order to work out what is the best angle from which to throttle the little bugger, I found her like this:
Butter Wouldn't Melt
Little SOD! The worst thing is that it's actually put me off my carrots-to-be. And the other worst thing is that she made that thoroughly endearing chirrupy noise when she saw me, which put me right off my murderous stride. Grrrrr. Anyway. So how do you go about sewing up a cat's bum? Answers on a postcard, please...
To add to all of this joy, when I checked further to see how the broad beans are getting along, this is what I found:
Not looking good, is it? Something's clearly munching on the poor bastard. Time I ordered me some nematodes. I tried the other day, but the Green Gardener's website went berserk and tried to assassinate my laptop, so I need to find another source. Not going THERE again. Scary. And something's nibbled one of the runners in the greenhouse, too, so I shall be out there in dead of night with a torch and a pair of hobnailed boots tonight. Or I might just fashion a slug pub, if I can find some beer...
On the up side, the water butt situation is good. The pre-fire greenhouse had two water butts connected to it - one for each side of the roof. These were kept nicely filled by our great British weather, and have been most useful on many an occasion. However, the people who installed the new greenhouse said that two water butts on a greenhouse of this size was unnecessary, or some such. This puzzled me at the time, and I should probably have queried it then, but I was so excited about the new greenhouse that I just ignored it. I figured that they would rig the guttering so that both sides of the roof fed into the same water butt. What they actually did was rig it so that one side feeds into one water butt, and the other side just trickles on to the path. Hmm. I do HATE wasting anything, so I'd put a bucket under the drainpipe, which has been collecting a lot of water. I'd then try to pour this brimming bucket into the top of the unconnected (and slightly deformed by the fire but still watertight I hope) water butt, but usually end up drenched and wasting half of the water. The main reason for which I'd get drenched is that I stupidly forgot that the top of the water butt is not fixed, but easily removed. So I've been trying to pour a heavy bucket full of water, at head height, into a hole the size of a small mug. Hmmm. Not very bright. Anyway. I've been hunting through the remaining fire wreckage to try to find a piece of pipe the right length to divert the water into the water butt. This morning (pre Crapgate), I finally remembered that Mum and I had taken a few bits of the old greenhouse guttering around the side of the house when we rigged up the guttering on the bike shed. Sure enough, the absolutely perfect sized piece (in fact, the original piece from before the fire - yesss!) was there, so all that lovely rain water is now no longer being squandered on the path, but being collected ready for use in the (please, please) hot, dry summer months.
Tadaaaa! It's not the tidiest job, but it's too horrible out there to spend time doing it nicely, and as my Dad always says, if a job's worth doing, it's worth doing badly for the time being.
Happy St George's Day, everyone - hope the weather's better where you are. I'm off to practise the violin. At least it'll SOUND like I'm strangling the cat... some small consolation.
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